Our Story

     Iryna Butina is the wife of Vitaliy Butin, an electronics engineer of the automation department at Northern GOK. Together with her 8-year-old daughter Alisa, she underwent psychological rehabilitation in the Unbreakable Mom project from Masha Foundation and the Saving Lives humanitarian initiative of Metinvest, which helps women and children affected by the war.

With the flag through checkpoints

     The Butin family lived near Mariupol, in the town of Mangush. According to Iryna, the story of their escape from the "russian world" is not something terribly sensational, because "we were just lucky, even though we spent more than a month in occupation. In Manhush, only two major shelling fell to our lot. And even though they terribly frightened us and took the lives of many people, among whom were our acquaintances, but this is still not Mariupol. Wide from being Mariupol... Yes, we were in a panic. Yes, there was no communication, and we lived with limited resources. We had no idea where the front line was and what was happening. But, thank heaven, we did not know the horrors the rumours of which reached us from the city."

     It was troublesome, but relatively easy for Butins to leave the occupied territory: Fortunately, 19 checkpoints were passed without emergencies – only with thorough checks of things and unkind looks and wishes.

     – When we reached the first Ukrainian checkpoint, of course, we burst into tears. Then, it seems, on the second, I remarked to my husband: "Look like a yellow and blue flag is too small for a checkpoint that is waving here." The brother who was with us in the vehicle replies me, so give them a big one. I say: "And now I'll give it!" And I'm starting to get it. The husband is in shock: "Are you carrying a flag with you?!" He was stunned, scolded me. And rightly so: it really was a big risk. If the russians had found something yellow and blue, we would have signed doom for ourselves. Of course, I hid the flag well: I folded it tightly and put it in the sleeve of my jacket, which lay in a transparent bag. The hope that it would not be checked because of transparency came true.

Adaptation difficulties

     Then fate was again on the side of the Butins. For some time they lived with relatives in Zaporizhzhia. Then Vitaliy (he is a former employee of Ilyich Iron and Steel Works) was offered a job in his specialty at Northern GOK. So, the family moved to Kryvyi Rih.

     – At first we could not find an apartment for rent. I even called those who sell apartments and tried to persuade the owners to rent us housing for the time before the sale, – Iryna recalls. – But thanks to my husband's colleagues, the problem was solved. And in the best way: Now we live in an apartment that we got for free – we pay only for utilities. So the world is not without good people.

     While Vitaliy was working, Iryna tried to return to her daughter the life she knew before the war. Not everything went easy. It was morally difficult. The tragic events in the family, the untimely death of Iryna's father, heavy thoughts about relatives who were unable to leave and decided to stay in the occupied territory caught up to them All these worries, plus the difficulties of adaptation in a foreign city, where there is no acquaintance, – and Iryna felt that she was confused and did not see where to go next, how to live at all. So when she was invited to take part in the Unbreakable Mom project and undergo psychological rehabilitation, she readily agreed.

     – First of all, for the sake of the child. But when I got there, I realized that I needed help first of all, because a happy family is when a mother is healthy and happy.

Looking for yourself

     The war changes everyone like it or not. Prolonged stresses and shocks caught up to everyone. What is worth only daily watching the news and worrying about loved ones.

     – We have excellent relations in the family, – Iryna explains, – we hear each other, but my husband devotes a lot of time to work. He is a good specialist, and this must be proved in a new place every day. And I am mostly at home, lack of communication, and before I was actually busy 24/7... Although I wasn't used to giving up, and I am always optimistic, I felt that psychological support would be helpful for me, so I took advantage of the opportunity provided by Metinvest to families affected by the war. And I made sure that I needed it.

     Iryna and her daughter spent three weeks in the picturesque Slavske in Lviv region. Body practices, methods of overcoming stress, art therapy, individual sessions with psychologists, group meetings with the same mothers, and on weekends - walks and excursions.

     – I came with a request to find myself, to realize my needs, because I felt some kind of isolation, emptiness. Things that you used to like did not bring joy and did not give a resource. And on the project I was able to find answers to all my questions. An incredible team of psychologists, a pleasant light atmosphere and tremendous support - everything was for us! Of course, any transformation is not easy, and no meeting – whether group or individual – was complete without tears. This is a real intensive from which you come out as a new person. With an understanding of yourself, your emotions. Now I know where I'm moving and I'm ready to try something new," Iryna says.

     On the project, the woman mastered several effective calming techniques, which she gladly shares.

     – Most know such a method of mastering themselves as breathing squared. But I prefer the prolonged breathing-out technique. You inhale, and you deliberately exhale longer. It is well calming. You can also add the technique of tensioning parts of the body. Stress is cyclical, and to break its circle, you need to perform some kind of physical action. I, for example, clench my fists. You can still strain the whole body: face, shoulders, fingers, abs – all muscles. Hold and then exhale. After several such exercises, the brain begins to work – and it is already possible to adequately respond to the situation. I also saw how perfectly relaxes body therapy – yoga, meditation. For myself, I decided to practice it several times a week.

     For children, the time in the project was more like life at summer camp: with entertainment, creative and also psychological activities, but in a game format. According to Iryna, her daughter returned to the room only to sleep:

     – Alisa was delighted! She attended absolutely all events and classes, found many friends. She especially liked acting. Children were taught to recognize emotions, express them, possess them. All this in a very interesting form and accessible format for their age. Those who needed them received individual lessons with psychologists.

Take root

     For more than a year, the Butin family has been in Kryvyi Rih. Life seems to have entered a more or less stable rut. Iryna has found a remote job, and Alisa develops her abilities in numerous study groups, where she draws, dances, sings...

     – We try to live life to the fullest. We do not postpone anything until later. And we bring victory as close as we can: in winter, candles were made and transferred to the front along with socks and warm insoles, now we donate to the Armed Forces of Ukraine from each salary... If my husband offers to live here, then we will stay in Kryvyi Rih. Moreover, the circle of acquaintances and friends here is expanding. On the project, I found my soul mate – another mother from Kryvyi Rih, so now I have a friend, there are common plans and interests. In general, such a recovery, which we underwent on the Unbreakable Mom project, is needed, I think, by many women in Ukraine. This is serious work on yourself. This is restoration for the sake of the future, for the sake of our children. Educating the future generation is not an easy job, especially when it takes place against the backdrop of the war. And every mother really needs support. Now I know that for sure. And she has always respected those who do not hesitate to ask for help.